Reading Deprivation And Other Miscellany

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Hard to believe it’s almost six o’clock on a Saturday, but here I am. Many of the pitches I sent out have borne fruit; I’m busy working on outlines and drafts at the moment and just finished a science fiction novella. There’s been a few delays on projects due to elements out of my control, but I’m happy with the progress I’ve made so far and I’m getting a really slick setup for recording audio as part of my birthday present. So, there’s that. (And that’s very exciting!)

I’m still behind on mail and filing, but I’ve cleaned up my office and managed to reduce some of the clutter so I can focus on projects. I’ve got a lot of books lying around and while I’m happy to be in such good company — surface space is crucial when painting or making jewelry. C-r-u-c-i-a-l.

Now that I’m here, a few things I’d like to mention. This week, I’m scheduled for a reading deprivation session so no Tumblr or social media. E-mail only during regular work hours. (e.g. 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.) This is part of a program I’m immersed in right now; one of the theories behind the deprivation is that artists are heavily influenced by environment and “junk” words/experiences. Branding, for example, is a tiny, tiny piece to that. Just watching TV, you’ll encounter thousands of brands every day.

But, back to the junk concept. Really, junk experiences lead to junk emotions and sensationalism is all about forcing you to feel something you might not normally feel for a click. What you do with that reaction fascinates me from a sociological standpoint. How much time do we waste on that crap? I’ve had good luck with social media blackouts before and I think smaller reading deprivations, like the one I’m about to dive into, are more effective than what I did for the 100 days social media blackout because I’m taking back control of what I consume. For myself, that’s essential to everything I do, especially since I need to listen in order to hear a story’s pulse or the rhythm of a song or the pattern on a canvas, etc.

For any artist, output matters so much more than input, because this is who we are. It’s not like being on an assembly line; there’s an ebb and flow. Sometimes that depends upon money but other times it doesn’t. It just depends on the person and I’m a “It’s the journey — not the destination” type. So recognizing the swinging periods, whether they be mood, weather, or related to something else is crucial for my work — for ALL my work.

Before I go, two things. First, stand up and applaud humankind. We have designed a machine that has drilled a hole in the surface of Mars. If that does not instill you with a sense of wonder? I don’t know what will.

And two, the “largest” ancient Scottish art installations have been discovered recently. The reason why I’m pointing that one out, is because there was a lot of references to the cup-shaped marks in the rocks. They don’t know why the ancients made cup-shaped marks, but in more recent times holy water and milk filled the indentations. From what cursory research I’ve done on this, there’s a theory the marks are related to a fertility rite — but I’m not buying it at all. (Besides, everything is a fertility rite if you turn your head sideways.) I’d be curious to line up the position of the stars at the time and test the reflection of the water under different conditions. Fill the marks with water, light a fire or two or wait for sunrise/sunset, and you have some potentially heavy duty lighting effects for your magical ceremony/oracle/priest right there.

Anyway, just thought I’d mention it. Another weather advisory for tomorrow. Freezing rain. I think I could use some spring now. No wonder why I bought that hot pink purse. Eesh.

    Mood: I’ll get back to you on that.
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: I broke down. Having a Diet Dew.
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Stairs. They sucked.
    In My Ears: AX Music Volume 15 Utopia.
    Game Last Played: Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed
    Movie Last Viewed: I don’t know the name of it, but it was a spaghetti western with crow ninjas in it.
    Latest Artistic Project: SHINIES. Still need to take pics…
    Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology
February 9, 2013
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A Story About Reality

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Before I get to today’s post: I have a new Tumblr account. I’m having trouble adding folks from Facebook and GMail, so if you re-add me over there I’ll follow you back. Some content will be the same, but there will be a lot more ephemera and pictures over there.

And now, on to today’s blog post.

One of the most common questions I get is: “Monica, why do you do so many different things? Why not just focus on writing your own stories?”

Many years ago, I met the creator of a very popular children’s property. He gave this company everything he had and, twenty years later, he was laid off and his situation quickly took a turn for the worse. Why? Because even though he did these fantastic creations — he didn’t own a piece and that hurt him in the long run. Not to mention, time changes what people are into. When he left, he had nothing and was forced to start over.

There are MANY experiences like this. One does not have to stray far to find a tragic tale in any creative industry. And, whatever you think of these people’s decisions, hindsight is always 20/20. Remember that. It’s easy to criticize. It’s hard (and even a little uncomfortable) to empathize.

I am creative, yes. And, I have a lot to offer those who are willing to pay me for my talents. But, I am also a businesswoman. The bills come every month. They don’t stop. Shit happens. Emergencies come and go. Art supplies, travel, instruments, and jewelry components aren’t cheap. And I have a life that needs living. Experiences that need to be had. Story nuggets waiting to be discovered. My world. My rules.

Reconciling the two things (art and life) is never easy, but this — coupled with the harsh truth that everything we do is tracked online nowadays — is the reason why I’m an octopus like so many others. I consult and freelance because I enjoying having the freedom to work on the projects that I want to write or provide my other talents for. (That doesn’t mean I’m not working on my own stuff; it just means you may not “see” the results of that for some time.)

Now, more than ever, I feel I have to be vigilant to remain flexible to changes that affect monies coming in the door. Sometimes, it’s as easy as showing up to write. Other times, it’s as simple as saying: “No, I am worth more than that.” Often, it depends upon the day and what’s in the pipe.

But this is where the reality comes into play. This isn’t what writing is like. This is what running a business is all about. While I’d love to focus all my time on creating endless works of art that magically disappear off my desk? And the huge check appears? And the readers and listeners and buyers threaten to break down my door?

None of that happens without quality art. I lose myself in fantasy when I can safely ignore reality. The two dimensions are interconnected for me — it’s my ouroboros. Without a beginning or an end.

And that, dear Readers, is why I do so many things. Because even when the words don’t come or my technique sucks that day or my fingers stop working? There’s one thing I can count on. The bills do.

    Mood: Cold
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Drinking Maximillian from Alterra.
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Chasing cats and cleaning my office.
    In My Ears: Nothing. Blissfully, nothing.
    Game Last Played: Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed
    Movie Last Viewed: Painted Skin: The Resurrection
    Latest Artistic Project: SHINIES. Still need to take pics…
    Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology
February 6, 2013
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Empty Head

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I wrote about 3,000 words this morning and edited another 5K. All very deep and esoteric — plus I wrote a song. The 1800s-era tune is related to The Queen of Crows. When in doubt, go interstitial! Hoping to get the sheet music down; have to book at trip to the Madison Music Foundry to make that happen.

It’s cold, the house is quiet, and I’ve got some new music recommendations from my brother I’m drowning in. (Bat for Lashes and the dear SO also approves.) I’m super close to putting on a scarf and my voice is going, but I’m just shy of center. My creativity is exploding. My consulting techniques are improving, and my focus is getting sharper.

All in all, I have no complaints. Like I said last week, life takes a weird turn, and I turn to all my arts, because they give back to me. Just a lot on the agenda, including a class for basic macrame, and no time for sniffles or sneezing. Feh. But, there it goes. Sniffling. Sneezing. A shot of something or other in my coffee. (Okay, you got me. It’s whiskey.) But, the speakers are on maximum, my pitches are beginning to come to fruition, and there’s definitely more to be edited, written, polished, and consulted.

I’m actually drawing back on marketing-related updates to the website and will likely do that once a quarter. Right now, I’m more concerned with getting new stories and projects out the door. The best way to keep up on what’s happening, of course, will be here and Twitter. Facebook when I’m not annoyed with it. And yeah, I can get VERY annoyed with it. 🙂

Sigh. Twitter. I swear, for as much as I get out of it, every time I turn around there’s something else to be frustrated about. So…. change topic to Alexander McQueen: I WANT THIS! And, well… If I had to be honest… About half the jewelry on this page in particular — as many designs relate to skulls. Hee. Okay, pie in the proverbial sky? Isn’t this the most kick-ass riding jacket you’ve ever seen? LOVE.

Also, would like to point out Maybelline has some smashing nail colors for Spring. Very happy with their “Sapphire Siren” and “Go Go Green.” (Remember, cats and kittens… I always wear more than one at a time…)

Screw it. I’m dropping by Sephora sooner rather than later.

    Mood: Eyebrow raise. Pretty much been that way ALL day.
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: I gave up soda, so hit the ginseng yesterday. And then I broke down and had a soda. So, once again, trying to be good today. I have new coffee!
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: WHY IS IT SO COOOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDDDD?
    In My Ears: “Milano” by Utopia
    Game Last Played: Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed
    Movie Last Viewed: Empire Strikes Back
    Latest Artistic Project: SHINIES. Still need to take pics…
    Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology
February 4, 2013
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January Is So Two-Faced. (Or What The Heck Is Going On)

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And 2013 starts off with a bang! Or three. Or four. Right after the holidays, I dove into my style of project management; I set up a few spreadsheets, goals, graphs, and other ephemera — and hit the ground running. As a result, there will be several announcements leading into late Spring/Summer. Some are related to my own work, some are connected to licensed properties, and a few are in line with my “day job” wheelhouse, consulting. It began as a healthy enough mix of spec and paid, and all boats were lifting, lifting, lifting until…

This week, my SO, Matt, took an unexpected trip to the ER in the middle of a blizzard. It’s his heart. More tests, more exams scheduled, etc. etc. etc. Possibly surgery. Yeah, that kind. We just don’t know yet. So, more waiting. Initial tests came back just fine, though, which is what we both expected. Right now, we’re erring on the side of caution and hope the cardiologist is spectacular.

Matt and I have been together for years; he is my family and he’s treated me like *gold.* I knew that he was a good guy when he told me, up and down, how much he hated musicals — but he showed up to my rock opera performance, anyway, to show his support. And, while he’s a very humble guy, he doesn’t talk about the charity work or any of the other amazing things he does to make the world a better place. He’s just not that way and I love him for it. In short: he’s my hero.

We’ve had our ups and downs, just like any other couple, but our troubles have always been relatively minor day-to-day stuff and pseudo mid-life crisis crap compared with everybody else. (He’s got a GREAT job and a very understanding boss.) This year, we were going to take that international vacation, wrap in a few work meetings with publishers, and start making some of our dreams come true. Mine, of course, is to make a decent enough living off of my creative works and consulting efforts so we can buy a house with a large garden. The future was already on our minds; milestone birthdays will do that to you.

It’s just… now I want our dreams, like our trip to England, to come true. I want to be that crazy American in a karaoke club singing Queen. (Though, admittedly, he may not be able to watch that part of the trip.) I want to find a Tardis, stand in front of Big Ben, grab a ridiculously tall glass of stout, and savor the best of English cuisine. And I want to do this with him.

I’ve always erred on the side of pragmatic, careful when I blog, because you never know who’s reading your updates. We’re both pretty private people and that allows us to have a life offline. However, I am a very passionate person and sometimes I am scared to tell you how much I love, love, love what I do and all the people in it. I’ve had a crazy-ass life — brilliant moments and horrifying lows — and I wouldn’t trade this for anything. But, at the same time, that passion (and the show of it) is very scary on the receiving end. (There’s a reason why folks say I’m a force of nature, after all.) It’s not socially appropriate to run down the street screaming at the top of your lungs, after all.

But why not? Seriously. WHY NOT? Half the time, I feel like I’m going to burst out of my skin. And, I can tell you, the more mortality you face, the more skin-bursting you’ll want to do.

Then, reality hits. And it’s a major downer. But I have no time to be down. None whatsoever. Maybe one day I’ll tell you the rest of this story, but I’m not ready to do that just yet.

So, now you know why you’re going to be seeing a lot more of me this year. I’m not just writing for Matt’s heart. I’m writing for mine, too. I just hope readers and gamers like you will follow.

Deep breath. Here we go…

    Mood: Optimistic
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Balanced. It’s a strange feeling.
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Um… Didn’t happen. Has to happen today.
    In My Ears: “Stronger Than Ever” by Christina Aguilera
    Game Last Played: Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed
    Movie Last Viewed: Empire Strikes Back
    Latest Artistic Project: SHINIES. Still need to take pics…
    Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology
February 1, 2013
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On Limits

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Another year, another birthday on the horizon. Sometimes, I need to give myself a swift kick in the bum, because I can be very forgetful on occasion. And by “forgetful,” I mean that I fixate on limitations of what I can and can’t do based on who I am biologically-speaking and not what I want to do.

It is exceptionally easy to obsess about one’s gender, sexuality, appearance, and age. Those cues are everywhere and, in many ways, it’s worse for women. We open magazines to find more pictures of beautiful women who’ve been photoshopped and altered from their original form. We see tabloid magazines that proudly proclaim celebrities are “just like us” then proceed to show them at their absolute worst. And body shapes tend to be “in season.” First, it’s skinny jeans which only look good on a specific body type. Then, it’s bell bottoms which are great for women with curves.

Regardless, ours is a society that is hyper-focused on women between the ages of 18 and 25 — sometimes not even that, for there’s more than a few models out there that aren’t of age yet. Everything seems to originate from the fountain of youth and while most women can get away with wearing younger-looking clothes for a period of time, that tends to change as your body shifts via pregnancy, illness, hormone imbalances, etc.

Mind you, I absolutely love fashion and I will be the first one to say that there is a lot of art to be found there. I don’t think, however, the fashion industry dictates how we feel about ourselves. That is our responsibility.

On top of this, of course, are the comments you hear about someone’s age. Sometimes they’re negative; other times, positive. But it’s always as if the age itself has something to do with whether or not you can do the things you want to do, whether that’s play video games or climb mountains or date or whatever. It’s as if we take to heart what we can do because everyone else is saying — well, you can’t at your age. So, health and safety concerns aside, we put limits on ourselves and we do this because social pressure is overwhelming us. “I’m too old to…” or “Oh, what will people think. Women my age don’t…” or “I can’t wear that!”

I am of the belief that beauty comes from within and is supported by confidence. I feel it’s a tragedy when a woman (or anyone else for that matter) doesn’t believe in themselves enough to take care of their health, appearance, etc. But more than that — as influential as “social pressures” may be — no one can get inside your head and tell you what you can do or be. Well, provided you don’t actively want to cause harm. There is that.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make, is that in my mind, the minute I start putting limitations on what I can do based on anything about “me” in particular, is the second I begin dying by indecision. When one limitation slams a door shut, what’s to stop other doors from closing? What’s to halt me from closing doors I’ve already opened?

Limitations suck. And, like I said earlier, outside of health concerns? Age really doesn’t matter — unless you let it. It may be harder in some cases, sure, but if you want something bad enough, you will find a way.

    Mood: WAKKA WAKKA
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: A natural boost? Who am I kidding… I need coffee. Needsit.
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Effing housework.
    In My Ears: “Bad Blood” by Ministry
    Game Last Played: Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed
    Movie Last Viewed: Django Unchained
    Latest Artistic Project: SHINIES. Still need to take pics…
    Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology
January 28, 2013
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