Yesterday I wrote a post about where writer’s insecurity comes from. It’s only fitting that today I follow up with why I don’t write. In a word: b.s. Seriously. When I slow down, and there are gaps where the b.s. can slide right in, that wedges into my fingers and prevents me from writing.

Where does the b.s. come from? Publishing is a glorious business. A frustrating vertical. An industry full of unknowns, rollercoaster rides, and periods of stagnation. This uncertainty causes normally sweet and wonderful people to do very, very strange things. Sometimes those are extraordinarily nice things. Other times? Well, not so much.

Making the switch from full-time freelancing to writing on spec has been a huge one for me and that has created some periods of drag as I figure out what it is I want to write. Writing on spec is a significant change in business model. Significant. By the time I figured out what I was doing to self-sabotage, some zombie projects reared their rotting heads and I had a shiny new day job. But my lack of writing consistency wasn’t due to any business-related reason. I lost my way, my discipline went to hell, and I started to let the b.s. get to me. My priorities were screwed up because I recognized where I was in my career and how far I needed to go. Then? I whined about it. GAH. Then I apologized profusely about the whiny. You can see where this can get out of control really quick — especially since apologies are really only valid if you’ve done something wrong and the only person I should be apologizing to is myself.

Thing is, none of the b.s. — whether it’s crappy comments from an author or egomaniacs or contract issues or envy or convention management or whatever — should have any affect on getting the words down on the page. (That includes all personal b.s. too!) At the end of the day, we’re all responsible for our own manuscripts. Anything that prevents those words from landing on the page is toxic. Anything.

The trick is to recognize what those triggers are and that’s something every writer has to do. For me? Again, I know my misery is caused by not writing enough. The gaps is where the b.s. overcomes me. Too much b.s. equals not enough words. 🙂

Which is why I started a new training program last week to get more out of my day, focus better on all my spheres of work, head down to The Alliterates meeting, and plow blindly forward. Luckily, I’m starting to get support from like-minded folks and I know that I never, ever want to ever experience this feeling ever, ever again. Crazy business publishing. One minute you’re on top of the world and the next?

Well… I’m not that blind… Heh, heh…

Mood: Yay!
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: It’s a blur.
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Walk!
In My Ears: Henry Rollins
Game Last Played: Battle Nations
Movie Last Viewed: Harry Potter as part of a marathon
Latest Artistic Project: Cross-stitch
Latest Release: “Don’t Ignore Your Dead” included in Don’t Read This Book for the Don’t Rest Your Head RPG

Yesterday, I came across a New York Times article talking about how Writer’s Cramp: In the E-Reader Era, a Book a Year Is Slacking. I do think the article is worth a read, but only if you are thinking about how you want to build or alter your career. If not? If you’re solid?

Articles like these, my fellow authors, this is where insecurity comes from. One of the hugest culprits (or triggers if you will) that causes new writers to STOP writing or SWITCH gears is getting hung up on the state of the publishing industry. The thing is, articles like this have been around for as long as the publishing industry has existed. It is very easy to get caught up in promises of how you can make money before you actually have something to sell. Even then, every author and their career is different and I can’t stress that enough. There will *always* be doom and gloom. There will *always* be uncertainty. There will *always* be something to talk about in publishing where it’s the changing role of an agent, editor or author, what readers really want to read, what publishers are looking for, what technology is out there. Always.

Don’t fear the news; fear the empty page.

If something someone says de-rails you from whatever manuscript you’re trying to finish, makes you question that third/fourth/fifth re-write, or causes you to feel like a chump — ditch it. Seriously. Just toss it right out of the window and save it for that moment when you’re ready to think all these state of the publishing articles through or you’ll go mad trying to chase the system. When is that? NOT UNTIL YOU’RE DONE WITH YOUR CURRENT MANUSCRIPT.

Read what I wrote earlier about how the zeitgeist can jump off a cliff, then you’ll understand this next line. Say it with me: If you cannot trust yourself or someone else to do right by you, then Trust. The. Work. Trust the work. Fifteen rewrites. Ten. One. Four. Trust the work.

When you do that, when you FINISH what you’ve started, something magical happens. Your confidence grows, you stretch your limits, and suddenly you are able to do more with less effort because you know you can do it, because you already did.

If you’re still worried about what’s going to happen to you? Get a support group, go to church, read tarot cards, do whatever it is you need to do to get over your fear. Then tell yourself this: you do not have time to get hung up in b.s. because you are too busy writing. Eventually, you’ll let all the other b.s. go because you’ll love your work, it’ll love you back, and you’ll have a strong core of confidence to master your own destiny. It’s a hard, hard, hard lesson to learn but once you learn it, you’ll be a helluva lot happier.

Good luck!

Mood: Aristotle-y
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Um… Lost count.
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Walk, a long one
In My Ears: The Birds. As in… actual birds.
Game Last Played: Battle Nations
Movie Last Viewed: Harry Potter as part of a marathon
Latest Artistic Project: Cross-stitch
Latest Release: “Don’t Ignore Your Dead” included in Don’t Read This Book for the Don’t Rest Your Head RPG

Dropping you a quick note today so you can see my new specs! Also: I made a new friend at the Wisconsin Bat Festival. Hee.

I don’t think my kitty cares.

Mood: Feisty
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: THREE OH THREE
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Walk
In My Ears: Harry Potter
Game Last Played: Battle Nations
Movie Last Viewed: Harry Potter as part of a marathon
Latest Artistic Project: Cross-stitch
Latest Release: “Don’t Ignore Your Dead” included in Don’t Read This Book for the Don’t Rest Your Head RPG

Today I begin training in multiple spheres. Will require long hours, lots of concentration, and a walk uphill in the snow without boots. Am I ready for it? You bet! What does it require?

Trust in my work. Hee.

Mood: Determined
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: A paltry one.
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Bah, laundry.
In My Ears: Movie
Game Last Played: Star Wars Battlefront
Movie Last Viewed: Harry Potter as part of a marathon
Latest Artistic Project: Cross-stitch
Latest Release: “Don’t Ignore Your Dead” included in Don’t Read This Book for the Don’t Rest Your Head RPG

I just wanted to say Thank You. The Ogre Designer’s Edition project on Kickstarter was a huge undertaking by Steve Jackson Games and many, many long hours were put in by staff to accommodate the overwhelming number of questions and ensure fans were happy. Not only does our first Kickstarter now hold the record for the best-supported board and card game, we are hiring a line developer in Austin for Ogre, too!

Outside of that, I know how frustrating it can be to constantly read these updates on my personal accounts and blog and I appreciate your patience. This has consumed life at my fun Day JobTM and because of the fan enthusiasm I am anxious to play Ogre and enjoy the game everyone loves so much.

So, thanks!