The contents of this post may contain some swearing, which is not my usual fare, and will contain obscured identities unless otherwise noted.

I knew I had to go to WorldCon ( a.k.a. ChiCon ) to get some perspective and wanted to have a good time. Both desires were achieved in a way I had not thought possible. There is a laundry list ( not to be confused with Charles Stross’s The Laundry Files ) of people that should receive whatever cornucopia of blessings this paltry realm has to offer them. You know who you are. And yes, there is enough to go around for everyone. Hopefully I have done a good job expressing my deepest gratitude for the friendships made and the reality check I sorely, sorely needed. This, to be blunt, was the greatest gift anyone has offered me in a long, long time. The second, which currently has me tearing up, was the overwhelmingly positive feedback I received on my work. People want to read more and that, more than anything, will propel me into a maelstrom of stories waiting to be told and projects I’ve been too afraid to put out there for fear of a frosty response given what I want to write about.

Perspective is an impossible thing to get if you are holed up in your little cave working your ass off. The internet does not offer you this. It cannot. Some conventions can provide you with this, but the more fans and readers attend, the harder it is ( for those of us who want to do this crazy little writing thing for a living ) to find the time to interact with one another. This convention absolutely is essential to anyone who is either considering a career in writing or is already immersed into it. If nothing else, it is a gentle reminder that this is an industry filled not with personas, but with people.

The reality of being a writer is mechanically simple but socially complex. Write what you want to write, as much of it as you possibly can, and submit it to the proper markets. Many much better at giving writing advice than me often say this is essential to building a career. In truth, the concept truly is that simple. But the social aspects of this career, “your” ego, and this insanity of having a life get caught up between “you” and “your writing.” Regardless of what you think about publishing, it is a community like any other. Some stick around for a long time to publish the stories they love, others come and go, and a few light up brilliantly like sparklers on the fourth of July and fizzle out well before the morn.

While it was a tremendous and overwhelmingly positive experience, there was some bullshit at this con. I’ve been waffling back and forth whether or not to say anything at all, but I feel that I have to. In part, I am bolstered by the incomparable Jo Walton who shared a panel with me on the Ethics of Reviewing. She reminded the audience that she was a person before she started writing and she’s still considers herself to be that same person who just happens to write.

I may not be famous. I am most certainly not Jo Walton. But I am a fucking person. I was repeatedly dismissed, ignored, and morphed into carpeting by a particular author I was trying desperately to connect with within the time limitations I had. I have never met this person either before, during, or after the show. Am I being a drama queen? No, if it was just that, that I was reading into a situation, I would not be so angry. Besides ignoring my request for a signing, this person even went so far as to blow me off when the person they really wanted to talk to was trying to introduce me for the first time.

This, my friends and fellow authors and readers, is fucking inexcusable behavior. Did others say: “Sorry, I have to go meet ‘X’ or ‘X’?” Yes. Am I mad about something like that? No, absolutely not. I may have the maturity of an eight-year old some days but I am a grown-up and understand full well that many come here to be with friends long-forgotten or missed dearly. I take zero issue with someone who acknowledges my presence and does not have time for me at a show like this. To put this into perspective? George R.R. Martin, Neil Gaiman, Joan de Vinge, Ellen Datlow, etc. etc. etc. did not act like this to me. I repeat that: the most luminary and well-respected people in this industry ( including dozens of others not listed there ) did not treat an unknown author like garbage. But? The person in question chose this behavior because suddenly the word “popular” applied. Fame is a fucked up and awful thing to have to deal with in any way stretch or shape of the imagination and I give a lot of slack to anyone who experiences that moment under the spotlight. This was obvious, ridiculous, and I will not forget it — though I will never talk about it again either in private or in public nor will I seek another meeting. I am worth more than that.

Having been treated this way has reminded me of an invaluable lesson I once learned. If I ever get a taste of fame… If I ever become hit by proverbial lightning… You have my permission to set up a private meeting with me and settle the matter like an adult. Fuck. Even during this show, when I had issues with a couple of people I had never met before ( but shared something in common with ) they heard me out. After we dealt with the matter at hand, we moved forward like grown-ups do. End of discussion. No anxiety needed. And we go on with our day either with mutual respect and admiration or a friendlier, kinder relationship. Case closed.

I don’t know where I’ll end up, but I will never, ever forgive myself if I am not true to my own heart and what I want to do while being cognizant and respectful of those around me. There are over seven billion people on this planet of ours and I know full well I am only one of them.

Word to the wise: there are considerably less people in publishing.

Mood: Exhausted
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Well, I’m no longer shaking. So…
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Minutes? BAH!
In My Ears: Princess Leia’s Theme from Star Wars
Game Last Played: Crap.
Movie Last Viewed: Double crap.
Latest Artistic Project: Triple crap.
Latest Release: “Fangs and Formaldehyde” from the New Hero anthology through Stone Skin Press

It has been a rollercoaster of a year. Many of my books and games sold out at GenCon and the reception for anthologies like New Hero and Haunted: 11 Tales of Ghostly Horror has been fantastic. Not to mention, work in general has been fantastic. John and I will be releasing some exciting news and one of my favorite Munchkin accessories just went to print — the Munchkin Duck of Doooooom. Now, I’m just about to hop on a bus to ChiCon in Chicago where I’ll have a reading and be milling about with friends and (hopefully) new ones, too.

First things first: the rumors are true. I’m working on a proposal for The Queen of Crows as an RPG. I’ll be using Kickstarter to test the efficacy of this idea. Second, I’ve gotten a fair number of responses for The Thirteen, but there’s still time to put in your application. Friends are going to be excluded from this for professional reasons. Acquaintances are a different story, however.

Once I get back from ChiCon, both John and myself will be attending Geek*Kon as a guest the following weekend. Then, I don’t have any professional travel planned for a month and a half. I’m behind on some projects; ahead on others. I’ve been through every emotion on the face of the planet with respect to writing on “spec” and diving into novels — there’s nothing else for me to rant about, be afraid of, or process. Now it’s time to move forward in the kindest, gentlest way possible and spend time only on what I can afford to so I can balance other pleasantries and necessities that have fallen by the wayside. There is only so much care I have in the world and most of that is related to my words right now. I either do this now, or I give up.

I can’t do that, because I am immersed in dreams that won’t stop haunting me. Real, tangible visions about what I want to do — and I think it’s possible. With time and a hell of a lot of hard work.

In the meantime, I’m enjoying the hell out of the ride.

Mood: Between
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Double everything
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Um…
In My Ears: Scheibe by Lady GaGa
Game Last Played: Kingdom Hearts II
Movie Last Viewed: Um…
Latest Artistic Project: Erm…
Latest Release: New Hero anthology through Stone Skin Press

My research for The Queen of Crows took me into strange places and taught me that things you or I may take for granted are hallowed to others. As a result, one of the driving forces behind the main character, was the idea of ultimate self-sacrifice. Inspired by a true story, the main character goes to terrible supernatural lengths to help his tribe, but the reality is that there’s typically only one resource that can help. Money.

Someone shared this IndieGoGo fundraiser with me today, and now I’m sharing it with you. For some, this may look like a huge price tag or may not be important enough to bother with. But for the Lakota? It’s not just land or money. it’s their soul, their “church.”

Link to the IndieGoGo fundraiser is here.

Link to the press release is here.

The first rule of Fight Club…

Oh wait, sorry about that! The first lesson (and most important one I feel) I have to share with you from emerging successfully on the other side of the Clarion Write-a-Thon is this:

The Clarion Write-a-Thon reaffirmed that I need to budget for promotional time and keep that separate from hours spent writing.

The second lesson I have to share is that the Clarion Write-a-Thon was a way for me to reset my writing versus real life model. This was on purpose, I wanted to do this year-round as opposed to just during this time frame. Discipline is needed year-round, not just for writing workshops.

The third? What, besides being realistic about what I can and can’t accomplish? The third lesson surprised me a bit. This was all about the “not care.” That’s right. I am planted firmly in the “I don’t have time to care about the latest internet drama.” camp, because I am at full capacity on what I can and should care about. I would much rather celebrate a book or an author than gossip or talk about all the other b.s. that goes along with this industry. I know it’s easy to engage in industry-facing discussions (The stars only know I’ve been guilt of this in the past) but I have to spend my time writing and innovating – not commenting on a thread somewhere. I’m not saying other authors are wrong for doing this, either. It just doesn’t work for me.

However, there has got to be a better way to engage within the science fiction and fantasy communities than dive into drama, share inside jokes, or comment on the state of the industry. I’m still searching for ways to do that. For a while there I was discouraged, but I’m not the type to “stay down” as it were, so I’ve been putting myself out there making as many friends as possible. I’m really hoping the support network I’m building will help me discover the proverbial “light side” of this community, because I really want to see it, experience it, and extol its virtues.

Here’s number four. Be flexible, but remain focused. The heat and pollen count this summer really sucked for a lot of people – myself included. I was a lot crabbier than I can remember in past weeks, so I had to make a lot of adjustments and not beat myself up when I didn’t write that day. Thankfully, the weather has cooled off some, and I’m practicing my cliché side at the coffee shop.

Number five was to burn a number of older tales and partial drafts to the ground. They are dead, dead, and not zombified. They aren’t even mostly dead. They are desiccated corpses. They are not “fixable” because I’ve evolved as a writer, and I will continue to do so. Realizing this saves me the pain and trouble of salvaging the past. It also helps me re-focus my work into a structural vein, too. So… Erm… Don’t be afraid to “fire” a story that isn’t working.

What about you? Did you take part in a write-a-thon? What did you learn?

Mood: The dragon. She is awake.
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Enough to bzzzzzzzzzz.
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Up down and all around.
In My Ears: There’s a guy. At the coffee shop. And he’s whistling.
Game Last Played: Star Wars Battlefront.
Movie Last Viewed: Drawing a complete and total blank.
Latest Artistic Project: I posted some photos here.
Latest Release: Extreme Zombies from Prime Books.

Thought I’d share some new photos with you of the jewelry I’ve finished making. I’ve been working on advancing my skill set from intermediate to more advanced techniques. I feel like I have a looooonnnng way to go yet. There’s the Russian Spiral and peyote stitch with size 15 beads and a lot of other geometric patterns to dive into. Working on these was a lot of fun and very relaxing. Jewelry-making has turned out to be such a great hobby and I’ve made some awesome friends, too.

So, for those of you who know me… I have a “thing” for skulls. I’m very particular about them, because it’s more the image than the materials, so I tend to rely on compositions of stone or metal like what you see below. This pair of earrings is an original design. Nothing fancy, mind you, but the texture really moves with the light.

Click on any of the pictures below to see a full-size image.

This one is a variation on the crystal cluster bracelets I make for gifts. The idea here is to use different glass pearls on the bottom, but the same color on the top. It really adds a subtle variation without being too obnoxious or checkerboard-y.

I learned this one through a class at Fat Cat Beads. I chose black for my base and, instead of a rainbow, primary and secondary colors for the main palette.

The one pictured below is the detail on a bracelet I learned from a Bead and Button pattern. The original pattern called for metallic beads around the fringe, but I like the texture on this one better. Plus, using lighter seed beads allows some forgiveness if you make a mistake. From a distance, it’s more three-dimensional and you can’t even see any stitching.

Mood: Optimistic with a Slice of Lemon
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: I’M NOT TELLING!
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: I moved. Quite a bit, actually.
In My Ears: Some goth crap. No, really. I’m not even sure why I have this on.
Game Last Played: Star Wars Battlefront.
Movie Last Viewed: Um… Darn. I don’t remember!
Latest Artistic Project: Erm… Captain Obvious says: See Above!
Latest Release: A heck of a lot of games. Check out this page: http://www.mlvwrites.com/games-published