If I Had a Snow Day

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A wintry saga in six parts.

October 2013

Oh glorious winter, how I love thee. Your wintry white is ever so beautiful and I can’t wait for snow. Everything’s so fresh and clean. Why, each snowflake is Mother Nature’s way of teaching us how unique and special we all are. The colder months really force me to appreciate the warmer months and ensure my house is in working order, too. What a lovely time of year for reflection, contemplation, and reading.

If I had a snow day, I would act maturely and responsibly to clean the house, do the laundry, feed the cats, clean their litter boxes, spend all day in the kitchen baking fresh muffins, scones, and brownies to perfection, try out my tart pan, get caught up on my filing, clean my office, respond to those niggly e-mails I’m a year behind on, and spend the rest of the day writing and reading without any distractions from Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Google+, YouTube!, GTalk, Tumblr, WordPress, my phone, my cats, my frog, my lover, my neighbors, and whoever else happens to drop in. Not only that, I would clean my car off before the plows came and make sure I’m out there, right when they come, to move it for them. Yes, that is the least I can do for this beautiful time of year. I shall do all the things I’ve been putting off the other nine months of the year and revel in the glories of domesticity and socializing with friends and yes… It will be so nice. Looking forward to it.

November 2013

THE SNOW IS HERE! THE SNOW IS HERE! THE SNOW IS HERE! I shall love it and eat it and play in it and toss it around and make snow angels and throw snowballs and make snow forts and shove it down my boyfriend’s pants and dress my cats up in winter jackets and did you hear me? THE SNOW IS HERE! What’s a bottle of Windex? Can’t you see the snow is here? Who cares about the car? The plows can move around it–that’s what power steering is for. Screw the laundry; I’ll just buy more underwear. (That is the secret to not doing more laundry.) I will buy a new vacuum cleaner that’s powered by hamsters. They can clean the carpets for me and entertain the cats at the same time. I AM A SOOPER GENUS. The kitchen can wait, too; it’s not a big deal. I cooked last month. We’ll just stock up on seventy billion boxes of mac-and-cheese and Glass Nickel pizza like I do when I’m on deadline. (I’m always on deadline.) That is cooking, right? THE SNOW IS HERE! YAY! SNOW!

December 2013

Two months (that’s sixty days if you can’t do math) of snow. 100,000 chili macs and buffalo macs and… Ooooo… Maybe I should write a book about 1,000 ways to make mac-and-cheese. Would that even sell? I’m so proud of myself for holding up against this terrible winter what with all the ice-scraping and snow shoveling I made my boyfriend do. SERIOUSLY. I’ve gotten a lot of work done but the house? Meh… Not so much. It can wait. Spring cleaning, right? Heh, heh. Dust bunnies! Still, should probably do something about those stark-raving mad furballs because they can wait to eat until I drag my bum out of bed. Can’t even get to the bird feeder. I wonder…

What’s this? Watch a show I normally don’t? I’ve heard about Game of Thrones but never saw it. Huh. Okay this first episode is kind of slow but I’m into this whole blood-and-honor thing. This is actually pretty good but wow, Joffrey… And that pompous Viserys needs his head checked. OOF. Yeah, I REALLY hate Joffrey. Why do all those nice people have to die? NOOOOOOO BOROMIR! NOT AGAIN! NOOOOOOOO! Okay, what about Doctor Who. Has to be a Christmas Special. Right? That always… WHAT?!?! NOOOOOOO!!!!

Maybe watching the most depressing television series I’ve ever seen in recent memory was a bad idea. I must escape to a land of sun (e.g. that strange country called “California”) for a short period of time to ensure I can survive the rest of this winter. I wonder if I could charge HBO/Martin for the therapy? PROOF: Winter is coming. SHEESH! Why is there so much snow? This is so much more than last year. Right? I know this mini-break will help my mood tremendously. Yes. Escape. That’s right. It’ll be like having two tiny winters instead of one long one! Hooray!

January 2014

Awesome! Great mini-break. Rocking the word count and the edits. Made it through… Phew! Wait. What? Hold the butter on my mac-and-cheese.

…temperatures in Wisconsin have dipped below those at the South Pole in Antarctica.

Colder than Antarctica?!?!?! You’re kidding, right? Better up my Vitamin C and watch the coffee addiction. Winter can end any time now. ANY TIME… Has to be warming up soon. I’ll take 30 degrees, Alex, for $100 dollars. P-p-p-p-p-lease, Eddy. Ah well, I can make it for a few more weeks. Good time to start going back to the gym.

Yeah, let me get right on that. More mac-and-cheese, please. Oooo…with Sriracha. Yeah, baby. Sriarcha rules. What’s this Pepsi Max stuff, anyway? Ginseng is good for me. Right?

February 2014

February 17, 2014. 7″ inches of snow expected. Snow emergency declared until Wednesday.

F-Bomb

October 2014

Oh glorious winter, how I love thee. Your wintry white is ever so beautiful and I can’t wait for snow. Everything’s so fresh and clean…

    Mood: Well, if that ain’t obvious, you’re name t’ain’t CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! OBVIOUSLY!
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Keep that coffee coming.
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: There was shoveling. (Crap.) And laundry (Double crap.) And interruptions (Triple crap.)
    In My Ears: Don’t You Want Me by The Human League (Yes, it’s an 80s channel. Don’t judge me.)
    Game Last Played: Sonic All Star Racing Transformed
    Book Last Read: Lovecraft’s Monsters anthology
    Movie Last Viewed: The Man from Tai Chi
    Latest Artistic Project: *Still* *still* *still* need to take pictures… It’s on the list!
    Latest Fiction/Comic Release: Last Man Zombie Standing
    Latest Game Release: Freedom Flyer
    What I’m Working On: Primarily tie-in games work and novels.




Monica Valentinelli is a writer, editor, and game developer. Her portfolio includes stories, games, comics, essays, and pop culture books.

In addition to her own worlds, she has worked on a number of different properties including Firefly, Vampire: the Masquerade, Shadowrun, Hunter: the Vigil, Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn, and Robert E. Howard’s Conan.

Looking for Monica’s books and games that are still in print? Visit Monica Valentinelli on Amazon’s Author Central or a bookstore and game store near you.

Want to Interview or Hire Me? Send Fan Mail?

Would you like to hire me? Because my projects and manuscripts are in flux, I am always open to discussing new opportunities with publishers and studios. As a full-time writer, I spend a portion of my time seeking new gigs–so don’t be afraid to reach out. If you’re interested, please e-mail me via my Contact Page. I typically reply to work-related e-mails within one-to-two business days.

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